help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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