I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
