Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
