So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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