I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
