its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
