Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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