Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize