My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
