Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
