I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
