im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
