I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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