More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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