If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
