Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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