I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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