Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
