it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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