Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He better not be in your backpack
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
