That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
