pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
