I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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