does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
