As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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