Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
