Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
