I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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