Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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