the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
