The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize