I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
