She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Panties = found
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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