do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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