You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
