Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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