What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You did what with his pubic hair?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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