I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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