Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
