I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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