tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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