Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize