there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
