recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
