I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would ride that face into the sunset
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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