Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
