I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
