lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
