I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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