I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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