Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
