Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
