I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
