HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
