is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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