Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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