I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
