Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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