my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The adults are the big ones right?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
