Even water is tasting like jack daniels
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
